I feel like howling at the moon...running with the wolves...or coyotes...
Across the street from my place is an alfalfa field and almost daily I watch a pair of coyotes hunting the field...I try to watch for them...catch sight of them...more than once a day sometimes...there are also hawks and crows..ravens and cats...its the coyotes though that have my attention...in Indain lore they are the tricksters...playing tricks...teaching lessons...lessons to be learned for me? or just fate playing tricks with my life?
My life has been full of stress and strife lately...I'm stronger now and better able to cope with what life has been throwing my way...but not sure I am strong enough...

 the ying and yang...the balance in my life seems to be leaning towards one side lately...so much has happened in such a short time and I find it all hard to take in...to deal with...
Sure I have friends...family and loved ones that are there to help...I love them all and truly appreciate all they've done and said...I know I couldn't have coped without them...I guess I just need time to adjust...it takes more time than I ever realized to adjust to loss...Not just my dad...so much I've lost in the last 3 years...this week marks 2 years since one of my biggest losses...still haven't healed...so how long will it take to heal for the loss of my dad? and the rest? maybe never...
Oh to trust...to believe...to really love again...
To just stop hurting and finally find a way to understand...to find closure on all this...
If I can just get through the next 2 days...dad's funeral...find some normalcy back in my life...it will be so much easier to pretend I am strong...that its all under control...
Maybe I'll even believe it...