The Magic of Winter

How can I find any magic...let alone in the middle of winter...it is cold...windy and miserable outside...its cold clammy fingers reach to my heart and soul...I try to warm myself...believe and nurture the small flame that still glows deep within...but without any fuel the fire will soon die...how do you keep on believing in anything without proof...when everything around you yells out what a fool you are...the only thing I cling to is knowing these words are read by the prince...if he didn't still care...would he be reading...if he was with another he loved more than me...wouldn't he stop....but he doesn't, so I have hope...and in that hope the fire burns bright...and the Magic of Winter seems possible...

So the princess goes on believing in her prince...in the love they had and hopes one day they will find their way back to one another...in the meantime she remembers and dreams...

Hot bubble baths with candles all around...music and singing while cleaning the house...cuddling under an electric blanket because there was no other heat...so much caring and loving...long talks...sharing ourselves...revealing secrets kept hidden from anyone else...but freely shared because we trusted...

So many memories...and even more dreams of the future...a future shared...between a princess and her prince...when will she find him...where is he...will he ever show himself to her...become her knight and rescue his princess from the Wizard...

My words and stories have become weak...I am lost...alone in my thoughts...have tried so many times and in so many ways...it seems futile to go on...to continue even if he does read...he is with another...not his princess....not me...how can I expect to fight for a love with only words...stories...with no other contact I feel I am fighting a battle I can never hope to win...one I lost long ago when the Wicked Queen took him away...sure he reads...he wonders what crazy idea I'll come up with next...he probably shares his "crazy lady" stories...tales of the ex he escaped from...and laughs and makes fun of the princess and what she has become...I remember tales he told of his other long agos...how they did him wrong...how crazy they were...and her I am the craziest one of all...

I wanted to be upbeat and make the prince laugh...but not tonight...when I write the words just come out...doing things I never planned...and sometimes like this one...I find only tears...

I'm in my world...he in his...and his world is so far...so very far from mine...I don't belong anymore...no room for me and my crazy ways...

Why do I write what I do...why do you read...we are forming a more intimate relationship this way than we had before in some ways...but no face to face...is it easier and safer that way? we are together in this online world...but in no danger of having to make a real commitment...we live the separate lives we have now...with others in them...making a connection again here...but it seems so one sided...I give you my thoughts...my feelings...my love...and what do I get in return? the knowing you are here...reading my words...kind of selfish on your part isn't it? I have no idea what you think...what you feel...and you have it all from me...but then again...I do have you back in a way...so for now I am content with that...I've found magic in the middle of winter...like the Northern lights...a mystery to all...but still beautiful to experience....magical...

the mystery of you and I...where our love...our relationship will evolve...I've never let go of you...and you haven't let go of me...that is real hope...real love...

So I go to sleep tonight...again with hope...belief in you and our love...the prince maybe thinks his princess is crazy...but he loves her that way! :)