Sick...

I've had a headache off and on for the last couple of days...today it was really bad...stayed in bed most of the day...it still hurts, but not as bad...I'm thinking my not feeling well has a lot to do with the down mood...the funk I've been in the last couple of days...it's never fun to be sick...and even worse when it is the holidays...today was my first day of winter break...2 whole weeks off from work...I should be having fun...getting in the holiday spirit and such...hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better and begin my vacation right...
Anyway I thought about just deleting the last couple of posts...real downers and not what I really want others to read...but it was how I was feeling at the time...so they stay...I'm not apologizing for them...sometimes when you are sick and it gets you down...old memories and fears come back to haunt you...feelings and memories are just that and they come and go as you live your life...
They say fear is the absence of knowledge...

I may be knowledgeable in some things...but not life or love...I fear the future...not knowing how life will play itself out...I don't like not knowing how others really feel...if they really care or If I'm just building castles in the sky...I have a hard time trusting others...even those I love...guess I've been hurt too many times...so I tend to over think things...obsess...and not just let things go that I should...I need to make that a New Years Resolution...Let It Go...

My life needs to be lived just...

So for tonight...forgive me my loved ones...if you read these posts or not...remember I love...no matter what...whether you are near or far...in my life or not...I will always love you..no matter what...I've been blessed to have you in my life and whatever the future brings...whether I ever have you in my life again or not...it doesn't change the way I feel...I can love and care for others...even if they don't love back...life is in the giving...the loving...believing in others...even when there is nothing to support that belief...