Who Are You?

Not the man I thought you were...I thought the world of you...thought you were everything good and kind...you were more than perfect to me...who I thought you were was enough for me...
I wonder how you've changed...I've Googled you to no avail...but that's not surprising as I remember you abhorring social sites...you asked once if there was something wrong with you for not wanting to connect with others...its surprising what you can find out though...Facebook is a good place to find info...it's where I found you had married...a name change says so...surely there aren't two men with your name there...so it must be you she married...she said by her changing her name that you were hers...it broke my heart... again...

I wonder if you ever Googled me...probably not...you don't care what has happened to me...but I still wonder why in the world you kept all my emails...why go back and read them...why...why did you keep them...surely not because you cared... nothing you have done since you left has ever pointed to you ever  caring about me and how I am...so it must give you some perverse pleasure to go back and read the words of love I wrote to you...then the pain I suffered when you left...rereading those words...the intimacy we had...the emails meant only for you...things no one else should ever read...but she read them...has your wife too? Do you get a thrill out of reading them to her...laugh at me and how foolish and crazy I am...laugh and be glad you got rid of me...
I took care of you like no other has or ever will....in so many ways...private ways and healing ways...the nights I laid awake... soothing you with my touch so you could sleep...giving and giving to you.... loving you... then you destroyed me...
Now I am trying so desperately to destroy you in the only way I have...words...words that cut like a knife...open wounds and fester...bleed...make hate grow strong...and why am I doing this...I'm not really sure...I only know I hurt so much that I have been lashing out...all the pain and hurt held inside is coming out at last...my wounds are finally open...bleeding...they've festered for so long they ooze with all the misery you caused...I just realized...back when I thought about ending it all...when I had lost hope...I died back then...and now my rotting flesh is dissolving into the nothingness...its over...I've bled out...nothing left to throw at you...