When the Magic Died...

I ran away that Thanksgiving...after you threw me away... I ran as far away as I could get...they let me off from work for they knew how much I Hurt...I got to see a beautiful new baby...my wonderful family...it eased the pain for awhile...but then I had to return home and face the fact you were gone...What a Holiday season that was...I remember one day at work... friends were talking of their family plans for Christmas...I ran and hid to hide my tears...I couldn't go listen and sing at the sing-a-long that year...I hid again and cried silent tears...I spent that Christmas alone...no family...no presents...I wanted it that way...without you there was no reason celebrate...but deep in my heart I still believed in...The Magic of Christmas...

For, you see...I had bought the makings for a dinner...just for you and me...waited for you to show...I had the Faith and Hope in you that you would come...I waited and waited...alone...
Okay....I thought...give him time...let him think...I waited again...New Year's Eve...with Hope..Belief in you...but again...I was alone...and that was when the magic started to die...
My birthday came and went...Valentine's too...Then all broke apart...the year before...do you even remember? you asked me to marry you...but I said no...I didn't think you were ready..how many times I regretted that...fast forward a year...I emailed and asked you to marry me...boy what a hornet's nest I opened there...You brought some of my things...dropped them off when I wasn't home...bet you felt so lucky and relieved you didn't have to face me..when I came home and found you had been there...almost the end for me...you don't know how many times I would see a red truck and my heart would race...every time... until I realized it wasn't you...and hope was dashed...and then I missed that red truck...missed you coming...the next morning I wrote goodbyes....planned the end...went to work to say farewell...they knew something was the matter...wouldn't let me go home...talked me into seeing a shrink...I tried...but it made things worse...she didn't understand...no one understood my pain at losing you...
I'm not sure why I didn't leave..not sure why I stayed... must have been a seed of hope there hiding...my belief in you had always been so strong...

I went on with life...hung on to that seed...I'll wait it out...he'll realize and come back...I've lost track of how many emails I sent you...how many ways I tried...each time failed...no answer...ignored...until I went too far...boy she must have been mad...again I was threatened with harassment...I had to leave you alone...and I did...for a few months...I tried so hard to move on...to stop loving you...stop believing in you...
I got me a new puppy that spring...she was a doll...company for me and Charlie...maybe she could heal the pain...take my mind off you...something that would love me back without question...but I messed up bad and accidently killed her...I called you...but no answer...left a message...I needed you...and as I sat there crying into the phone I questioned...why was it you I turned to? Why was it you I needed? Because you were the one that made me feel safe...made me feel loved...but I had failed you and you weren't there anymore...I was  alone...and again I had failed...failed a loving little puppy...
Summer soon came and again I ran away...as far as I could go...left this place...left to find what I had lost...me...and you...but you weren't there...only me... alone...
What I thought was a Once in a Lifetime Love...was only one sided...my side...
Do you remember once upon a time someone not wanting you to come back? Wondered why they cried and wanted you to stay? I think I know the answer...my next post I'll share my thoughts...